Lar Torvis and the Universe

I went to the falls park, drunk on ambition, trembling with fear, and high on anticipation. I had spent two nights before in the cages beneath the arena with my Master, and was more steadfast in my knowledge of my love and adoration of the man who owned me when I came across the Taharian. The taharian never in all my years has ever owned me. He never claimed to either. I only threw myself at his feet on a daily basis because I knew he was the one man, that I had to serve. There was no choice in the matter. I could not breathe if I was not at his feet. He was like Lar Torvis, I rotated in his orbit and swam in his gravitational pull gladly. I fell at his feet when he came, and whimpered and cried and moaned until he left. Then I would shut off until he returned. I would follow him to his shop in Ar and watch him with his slaves. I would beg to the kings that he would find favor with me... I never was owned by him. That I have to remind myself of today. I went to his feet, like it is required of me if I am not in service. I knelt there and shared an orbit with Uppity. He asked me why I was such an emotional wreck at his feet, I claimed obsession.. he told me I was only gving him half the truth. I was quiet as he spoke with Uppity and then I couldnt help myself as a strange sound came from my lips and I blurted it out. I was scared! I didnt know what to say! So I told him all of it. That I loved him, and he was my Lar Torvis and there was nothing I could do to change it. He was silent then and left me crying and pondering my words. I wanted to die. I wish I had. It was that night that my Master came. He was with a bunch of chained men from he prison compound, sent out to clean up after a long day of work around the city. I was suprised to see him. My heart broke when I saw what they had done to him since last I saw him two nights passed. He often takes punishments for my visits.. I think they may have again. I ran to him. I did not care of the guards beat me, or him I had to see him!! Right away he noticed my eyes and asked me what was wrong. I told him then, about the Taharian. About how despite my feelings for my Master, the Taharian forced from me to hear how I felt, I was not permitted to lie to him. My Master became someone else in those moments, he was cruel. He made me admit to things I did not want to relive. I hated the Taharian then for bringing these feelings back in me. They were ripping apart my heart,and turning my Master, my love, away from me. He looked as if I stabbed him in the chest. His face was shocked when I told him I also loved the Taharian. I told him he owned and Mastered what mattered. That I loved him with the best parts of me, my head and my heart.. he didnt care. After much explaining, I was sent away from his feet. He is not just my Lar Torvis.. he is my whole universe. Without him... I am lost. I must figure this out before it is too late. I belong with Hestius, I long to serve the Taharian, as a memory and a feeling revered.. I don't know what to do.. ( More coming have to get ready for work :) )